Still Candy Shopping Page 3

  “Oh, so that’s who you ran off and married, your fucking divorce attorney, Eric? How fucking low could you go?” I screamed.

  “Look, Faith, I’m not gonna keep going back and forth with you about the decisions I have made in my life. You did what you felt was best for you, and I did the same. Now as far as our daughter is concerned, she is doing fine. Does she miss you? Yes, she does. Would she like to talk to you? I am sure she would love to. But I don’t think that it would be good for either of you.”

  “Speak for yourself,” I replied sarcastically.

  Eric sighed heavily. “I’ve got to go,” he said.

  “So that’s it? I don’t get an explanation about why I can’t talk to my daughter?”

  “Don’t play dumb Faith. And I wish you would stop playing the victim. It’s not about you anymore. It’s about Kimora. So if I choose to protect her from your empty promises, then deal with it, because there’s nothing you can do about it. Remember, I’m the parent with the full custody. So whatever I say goes. Now the quicker you understand that, the better off you’ll be.”

  “That’s how you’re carrying it? It’s over just like that?”

  “I gotta go, Faith. You take care,” he said, and without a moment’s notice, he ended the call. The phone line went completely dead. The dial tone blared out into my ears very loud and I immediately became devastated. I almost collapsed to the floor, but Denise came on the scene and helped me contain myself.

  “Give me the phone,” she instructed as she eased the phone out of my hand. After she placed it back on the hook, she allowed me to put my weight on her as she escorted me back to our room. I felt so weak, like my legs were about to give way from the weight of my body.

  As soon as I stepped into my room I took a seat on my bed. My head started aching really badly, so I lay on my side with my back facing Denise and started balling my eyes out. She sat on the side of my bed and began massaging my back. “My life is over,” I said and sobbed.

  “Don’t talk like that, Faith, because you know that’s not true.”

  I turned over and sat down on my butt. I looked straight at Denise while the tears kept falling. “Do you know that my ex-husband refused to let me talk to my fucking baby? Talking about how I damaged her. And then on top of that, he had the nerve to tell me that he went off and married his fucking divorce attorney. Now tell me, Denise, who does that? Who marries their fucking divorce lawyer?” I continued to sob.

  Denise pulled a Kleenex from her back pocket and used it to wipe my eyes and face. “Look, Faith, Eric may have moved on with his life and got himself a new wife, but by law he can’t keep you from your daughter. All you got to do is finish this program, get a job, and find yourself a place to call home, and a judge will be glad to give you visitation rights. And then, who knows, six months or even a year later, you could petition the courts for joint custody. So don’t count yourself out yet. You still got time because she’s still young.”

  “Denise, I don’t have that kind of time. I want to bond with my daughter now, not a year and a half from now. By then Eric will have her brainwashed and hating my guts.”

  “Even if he did do that, it won’t work. Your daughter loves you,” Denise said, trying to convince me, but her words basically went through one ear and right out the other. I knew my ex-husband. I knew what he was capable of doing. Manipulating people was a craft that he’d mastered. So I knew getting back into my daughter’s life wasn’t going to be easy. Nor was it going to be anytime soon, so I figured, why even bother to get myself together?

  I wiped the last bit of tears from my eyes and then I got up from the bed. Denise sat there and watched me as I went into my locker and grabbed the little bit of items I had acquired during my ten-day stay at the rehab.

  When Denise finally realized what I was doing, she stood and rushed to my side. “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “I’m getting out of here. I don’t have a reason to be here anymore,” I told her.

  Denise grabbed my things from my hands. “You need to stop talking crazy,” she said. “There is no way in the world I am going to let you give up on yourself like this. It took will power for you to leave those streets to come in here and get treatment. So for you to let all that go because of your ex-husband’s actions isn’t fair to you. You deserve a better life, Faith. And being here in this place will take you in the right direction.”

  I really wasn’t trying to hear Denise’s lectures. The way I was feeling, there was nothing she could possibly tell me that would make me stay. I was over it.

  “Denise, I don’t care about those things,” I said, referring to the items she held in her hands. “You were the one who gave them to me, so you can have them back,” I told her, and then I stepped away from my locker. I turned around and started walking toward the door, but she stopped me in my tracks. She grabbed me by the arm and pulled me backward.

  “I’m sorry, Faith, but I can’t let you do this to yourself.” She apologized as she held a tight grip on my arm.

  I tried to break away from her, but her grip was too tight. My tiny frame was no match for her two-hundred-twenty-five-pound body. It was obvious that she cared about my well-being and wasn’t about to let me go back to the streets. It had been a while since I had been in the company of someone who generally cared about me.

  At that moment I caught a lump in my throat and my knees buckled. Denise pulled me into her arms before my legs gave away. She embraced me like Eric used to do, and in a weird kind of way it was comforting. I leaned into her embrace and laid my face in her neck. The smell of the men’s cologne she was wearing was intoxicating. And I can honestly admit that it felt like I was in a man’s arms. Not to mention that I did not want her to let me go. I sensed she didn’t want to let me go either, because before I could grasp what was going on, she had her tongue stuck down my throat. She tongue kissed me so passionately, my body started yearning for her to touch the rest of me.

  “Hold me, please,” I begged her. And she did just that. She grabbed me around my waist and embraced me like my ex-husband used to do. Her touch was soft and gentle. As she pressed her pelvic area into mine, heat started pulsating from my vagina. I couldn’t explain it, but it felt good, and I wanted more. I wanted to explore this new world.

  “Fuck me, please!” I whined. “I want you to make me feel good,” I begged her.

  So just like that, she turned me around, backed me up against the bed, and made me lie down. Before I could finish enjoying the stimulating feelings engulfing my vagina, she started massaging my breasts, causing my nipples to stand erect. She sucked on them and pulled on them like they were her toys, and I loved every minute of it. But I wanted more. I wanted her to lie on top of me. I wanted to feel her naked body next to mine, so I whispered that request into her ear as I kissed her earlobe. “Denise, please fuck me now,” I begged her once again.

  And at my request she undressed me while I lay there, and then she spread my legs apart. My pussy was dripping wet, because I knew she would fill it with passion. And just like that, she buried her tongue deep down inside me. She teased me inside and out. My body was quivering. I didn’t want her to stop, so I started gyrating my pussy in her face. She didn’t have much hair on her head, so I grabbed her face and used it for leverage.

  “This pussy is good, girl,” Denise said in her somewhat manly voice. “So give it to me so I can eat it up.”

  Despite the way she was making me feel, I had to block out the fact that she was a woman. I didn’t think I could’ve carried on that long if I had my eyes open. I mean, I was hurt behind that shit my ex-husband told me, so I needed someone to show me some love some kind of way. And since Denise was there, I settled for her.

  Before long she had eased out of her clothes and got into the bed with me. Now the bed we were in wasn’t large enough for the both of us, but we made due. She positioned me to lie at one end while she did the opposite. She instructed me lie on my side and open my legs, and that
was what I did. She did the same thing, but she came closer by connecting to me like we were interlocking scissors. She pressed her pussy up against mine and started gyrating. It felt so good that I started to pull out my hair. I immediately closed my eyes and let her take control. And in less than ninety seconds, I had released an orgasm. It was the best feeling in the whole world. And when she and I were done, we both lay back and exhaled.

  The Candy Shop part 2 Kiki Swinson

  Wake-Up Call

  Denise went to take a shower so she could freshen up before we were called to go to the dining hall for dinner. Instead of joining her, I got out of her bed and climbed into my own. All I could do was lie there and think about what I had just done. Guilt began to consume my entire body. And then shame started rearing its ugly head. The first question that popped in my mind was why I did it. What the fuck was wrong with me? Was I that desperate for someone to love me that I would indulge in that type of act? Was my need to feel validated so important that I would allow a woman to make love to me? What was going on in my head? Was I really damaged like Eric said? I needed someone to answer these questions for me, since I obviously couldn’t figure it out on my own.

  While I lay in my bed, I had my back facing the door, so I couldn’t see Denise when she entered the room. But I did hear her as she moved about the room, grabbing clothing articles from her locker.

  After she got dressed, she walked over to my bed and leaned over my body so she could see my face. I turned my head around and gave her eye contact. She smiled at me, pulled my hair back from my face, and tucked it behind my ear. “Are you going to get up to take a shower before we go to the dining hall?” she asked me.

  I was sick to my stomach, so food was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to stay in bed and hide my face forever because of the shame I felt. “I’m not really hungry,” I said. “I’m gonna skip dinner tonight.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. I’m just gonna lie here for about an hour and then I’ll get up to take a shower.”

  Denise sighed. “OK. But if you decide to change your mind, you know where I’ll be,” she told me, and then she leaned in closer to me and kissed me on the forehead.

  At that very moment I wanted to crawl underneath a fucking rock. How dare she remind me about our sexual escapade? I was not her fucking woman, so what was up with the kissing thing? A part of me wanted to scream at her and tell her to get away from me, but then the other part of me decided against it because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Denise had been nice to me from day one. When I started withdrawing from that heroin, she was there. She stayed up half the night with me for the first two nights. Not only that, she even had her family send me a box of clothes so I could have something to wear every day. She had been good to me, so I guess the only way she felt like I could have repaid her was by fucking her. Maybe for her it was a fair exchange.

  After she kissed me, she grabbed her iPod from her locker and headed out of the room. Knowing she had left my presence felt like a weight had lifted from my shoulders. And at that moment, a light inside of my head clicked on and told me this was my chance to escape.

  I hopped out of my bed and slipped on a pair of blue jean shorts, a white and blue Swarovski crystal beaded T-shirt, and the Adidas flip-flops Denise’s parents had bought for me. Once I was fully dressed, I grabbed Denise’s duffel bag from her locker and stuffed all my things inside. My heart raced the entire time I packed up my things. The last thing I wanted to do was let Denise catch me while I was trying to pack my things to leave, so I found myself looking over my shoulder every chance I got. When I realized that I had packed all my things into the duffel bag, I let out a sigh of relief.

  As I made my way toward the door, I remembered that I was dead broke. I didn’t have a dime to my name. But I knew that Denise had a few dollars she kept stashed in her locker. I honestly didn’t want to steal anything from her, but I was destitute. And I couldn’t leave this facility broke. That wouldn’t be a good look at all.

  “Screw that!” I mumbled underneath my breath as I turned around and headed toward her locker. “I don’t let niggas fuck me for free, so I am not about to let a bitch fuck me for free either.”

  In ninety seconds flat, I had gotten back into Denise’s locker, taken the one hundred seventy dollars she had tucked away in her sock bag, and was out of our room, closing the door behind me. As I made my exit toward the front of the facility, Mr. Macer met me at the end of the hall. He looked very puzzled, but quickly caught on to why I was carrying a duffel bag in my hand.

  “Going somewhere?” he asked.

  “Mr. Macer, I’ve got to go. I just found out that my daughter was rushed to King’s Daughters Hospital, so I got to be by her side,” I lied.

  Mr. Macer stepped to the side, and as soon as he cleared the way for me to walk, I put one foot in front of the other and started making my way toward the front door.

  “Did you tell anyone on the staff about this?” he asked as he walked alongside me. He acted as if he was going to stop me from leaving at any given second. But I wasn’t going to have that.

  “No, I haven’t spoken to anyone about this. I just found out my ex-husband was on his way to the hospital like ten minutes ago.” I continued to lie as I headed toward the exit. Mr. Macer kept walking on my heels.

  “You might want to talk to your counselor before you leave,” he suggested.

  “He’s not here.”

  “I know. So we’re gonna have to go to the office and give him a call.” He pressed the issue.

  Frustrated with Mr. Macer, I stopped in my tracks and stood in front of him. “Look, I don’t have time to be making calls. I’ve got to leave now,” I snapped, because he was holding me up. I was trying to get out of there before Denise realized I was gone and had run off with her money.

  “You know if you leave out of here without talking to your counselor, you won’t be allowed to come back to this program.”

  “Right now, Mr. Macer, this program is like the furthest thing from my mind.”

  “Remember you begged me to let you in the front door,” he reminded me.

  After he reminded me of the day I cried to come through these doors, I knew I could no longer stand there and look at him. Shame was beginning to consume me all over again. I turned my head and looked toward the end of the hall where the exit was located.

  “So, you’re leaving just like that?” he asked.

  “I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta go,” I said and continued toward the front door of the facility.

  “Faith, you’re making a big mistake! And Mrs. Williams is going to really be disappointed with you.” I heard him yell from behind me.

  I didn’t look back. I kept walking until I exited the building. And when I got outside, it felt like I was free. I thought back to the day that I first arrived here and witnessed the man walk out that very same front door. He had the biggest smile on his face. And today I had to admit that I shared his sentiments.

  I walked away from the drug rehab with a couple changes of clothes and one hundred seventy dollars. It wasn’t a lot of money, but it was enough for me to get some food and a place to stay for the night. I hopped on the HRT and took the city bus uptown. I got off at the Virginia Beach Boulevard and Tidewater Drive stop and strolled into Burger King for a bite to eat since I was in walking distance of the restaurant. I ordered the big fish combo with cheese and a diet Coke and took a seat in the lobby area of the restaurant to eat.

  After I ate my food and gulped down my drink, I left the restaurant and headed to the hotel next to Burger King. Everybody who frequented this low budget, roach infested hole in the wall was either a dope fiend or a dealer. Personally I didn’t want to see either one of them. All I wanted was a place where I could rest my head and think about what I was going to do next. But unfortunately, that wasn’t about to happen, because as soon as I walked to the front desk of the hotel to pay for my room, I ran into this clown named Bee. />
  Bee was a small time dope hustler from Tidewater Park. He had to be in his early twenties because he didn’t have a speck of facial hair, but he carried himself like he was an old G who had plenty of weight and plenty of connections. I couldn’t tell you what he was really working with because I’d never been in the company of a man who actually had it going on like that, but I had seen enough TV to know that he was our local block hustler who wished he was big time like Scarface. I was sure every cat in the state of Virginia wished they had the money and the power Scarface had in that movie. But since there were a lot of snitches floating around here, no one would ever be able to rise up and gain that much power.

  As I stood in front of this average looking, tall, dark, lanky young guy, he smiled at me with a mouthful of gold teeth and asked, “Where you been at, stranger? You look like you been getting you some sleep.”

  “I was in a drug rehab center in Virginia Beach for ten days. I just got out today.”

  “Oh, so that’s why ain’t nobody seen you.” And then he changed his tone. “Hey, wait a minute. Don’t you have something for me?”

  When he asked me if I had something for him, I knew he was talking about the twenty dollars I owed him. I got two ten-dollar pills of dope from him the day I checked myself into rehab. He gave me the dope to deliver it to this guy who was sitting in his car that was parked around the corner from Bee’s dope spot. I was what you would call a runner. Runners were more or less crack heads and dope fiends who ran up and down the block for the dealers. Our job was to deliver the drugs to the addict and collect the money from them. In most cases, dope hustlers tried not to have any one-on-one contact with other dope fiends or crack heads because sometimes that dope fiend or crack head could be a snitch for the narcotics police, or even worse, the drug addict could be an undercover narcotics detective.